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Exposing The Greed In Our Pulpits
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Pimp Preacher.com New Orleans Bureau 08/01/2011
The Hunt - It’s Thursday night and I have just arrived at the monthly singles ministry meeting. As usual my excitement grows as I park my car. My excitement is not in anticipation of hearing some life changing message that will help me maintain myself as a single man, not even close. My excitement is because Sis. Deidra is will be there, and she has been in my scope for 3 months now.
The word on the street is her divorce is now final, and I haven’t seen her ex-husband at any of our weekly services in a while. To my delight, Sister Deidra has decided to stay a member at my church, which works out for me because I am also available.
I make my way into the service after standing towards the back of the room trying to figure out how to strategically position myself on a pew that would allow her to view the minister, and me out of the corner of her eye. Without the hovering presence of her ex, my goal now is to become her next, and the best part is she is totally oblivious to my plan. I have already coached myself, and rehearsed the way I will introduce myself to her based on the way she’s dressed, and the style of her hair.
Being that she is dressed business casual with her hair pinned up (with the front coming down on the side of her face), this tells me to approach her with a hand shake, partial smile, formal name intro, and stand three feet away.
The singles ministry service is now over, moving in on my target.
“Sister Deidra, hi my name is Tyronne” as I extended my hand. From her appearance I can tell that she is an educated professional, so as anticipated she extended her hand as if we were two potential business partners meeting for the first time.
“Well it nice to meet you Tyronne” I can tell from her eyes that she had recognized me, but I had also succeeded in catching her off guard.
“Did you enjoy the service tonight” was my opening as I tried to get her to talk a just little, but not too much that it would attract attention to our conversation.
“Oh yes, but as always it was a little long and now I must hurry home to relieve my baby sitter.”
“I completely understand, and I will not hold you up a second longer so here’s my card, call me when you get a free moment.”
“Thank you Tyronne, I will”
The Chase
Even though she only gave me two sentences in passing, I have been completely victorious in developing my next “sex hook up” after church. I will now wait on her, and the pursuit of this beautiful woman will begin the moment she calls my cell phone. I really want Sister Deidra because I have always wanted her. Even before she was divorced I wondered about her, and the good news is the singles ministry at my church has just done the all of leg work for me.
The singles ministry has caused Sister Deidra to lower her guards just enough so that I can get a word in. Meeting her in the ministry transplants the notion that surely I must be a man of God. The mere fact that we are attending the same service and have the same pastor gave me the angle I needed to approach her.
On her check list of what makes a good man, my appearance here tonight has given me four checked boxes without me even saying a word. Don’t get me wrong, my intent for her is genuine, it’s just that I have a very bad success rate in relationships, therefore I am now casting her to play a starring role in my next failed relationship.
The singles ministry is providing a win/win/loss for the three parties involved. The Pastor wins because the singles ministry is his way of keeping his members locked into his church without the risk of them leaving. The singles ministry is a win for me because it identifies all of the available woman who are in need of a man. With all things considered, it is a loss for the women ushered into these groups because it marks the beginning of insecurity.
Nevertheless, I will still continue my conversations with the other women that I am prospecting until she calls, and then all of my focus will be on Deidra.
What makes her so valuable is the fact that she is now experiencing the awkward world of being single, a place she hasn’t been in over 15 years. Holding true to the opportunistic dog that I am, I have figured out a way to now benefit from her uncertainty.
No one really desires to be alone, and I now know that the loneliness is getting to her because she’s here tonight at the singles ministry. The singles ministry has also succeeded in letting her know that I am available (at least in perception) which lowers her guard even more. Hold on, up my cell phone is ringing!
“Hello Tyronne speaking” I answer with my deep professional voice.
“Hi Tyronne it is Deidra from church, did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Not at all, I was just wrapping up my day; you really made a brother sweat it out waiting on this call.”
“Oh really” she replied blushing through the phone.
“Yes! You have crossed my mind 9 times since Thursday.”
“Only 9 times? I must be losing my swag” now I know I got her because she gave me an early buy in.
“Well let’s see how we can make it 100 times, so tell me, how was your day?”
The Right Her But The Wrong Me
If God had forced me to wear a warning sign on my chest that would flash all of the many ways I have destroyed the hearts of women I have encountered, then this sister would have known to run!
Part of the danger in the church playing Match.com is there is always a brother like me combing the pews, seeking the next heart to devour. There is, and always has been, a group of men (like I use to be) that prey on single church women.
The problem is most Pastors only discover them once the rumors start flying that Brother Tyronne is sleeping with the single (and some married) woman in the church.
Only then, will he call me into his office to discuss scriptures about fornication and how I need to "slow my roll." The key to having a very successful singles ministry is to accept the fact that the church should not have a singles ministry. Single ministries have a way of conveying that the people in the congregation that are single are somehow damaged goods, and for this reason we have to create a special service just for them.
A singles ministry brings together two individual parts of a series of failed relationships, and places them within a church setting. The issue here centers on the setting that unequivocally validates them as being healed, restored, and ready to love again.
Single ministries never really address brothers like me who only show up for the quick hook up. I know how women act when other church members are not around, and trust me when I say that some of the best actresses are not in Hollywood, but rather the Church of God in Christ.
It’s amazing how much sex you can excuse by saying you was acting out in “The Flesh” of your spirit. The only real way to address this issue of a singles ministry is to first address the single men in the congregation. My whorish ways lead to the failure of my previous relationships, and without being cured of whoring, I am now in the singles ministry unbeknownst to these beautiful sisters.This unique group Christian women are simply looking for a good man, and I look like a good man on the surface, and that’s the problem.
Pastors, Evangelists, Prophetess, and Bishops are very quick to address promiscuous women, but somehow give doggish men the right of way to continue on their route to the motel to get mo-tail. I agree that the women in church are also responsible for their share of the church sex game, but the church culture has also conditioned them to think that if Tyronne is in church every Sunday then Tyronne must be a good man. Far From The Truth!
Acknowledging The Shortage
The African American Woman has continued to persevere, prosper, and endure as she has always endured. The history of black woman in the United States has witnessed her excel in roles as mothers, wives, slaves, ex-slaves, lawyers, scientists, entrepreneurs, newspaper correspondents, teachers, artists, farmers, washerwomen, physicians, astronauts, and now billionaire tycoons just to name a few.
All throughout her successful existence she has always had a comparable selection of African American Men to choose from, up until now. Despite her heterogeneity, her multiplicity, her particularity there has always existed a suitable male counterpart, up until now.
This is in no way an indictment of black men as a whole, just a humble observation from a current member both fraternally and genetically. Even the Most Honorable Jane Pittman in her autobiography addressed the abundance of men, but yet only one suitable. "I have known a few men since he passed, but none like Joe Pitmen"
Due to the many social issues that are still plaguing African American Men, I am afraid to announce that this disparity has the potential to become the norm. With 61% of African American women currently enrolled in four year universities, this number will equate to 61% of African American woman earning twice as much as African American men.
This disparity also explains why Sister Deidra had an expression of relief when a tall, dark, handsome, educated, well dress brother like me stepped to her with the perfect opening.
Excuse me Miss
But what's your name?
Where are you from and can I come?
And possibly can I take you out tonight?
To a movie, to the park
I'll have you home before it's dark
So let me know, can I take you out tonight?
Hook A Sister Up For Real
I have a saying that a “Dog can smell a Dog from a mile away” and this mindset is the only cure for ineffective single ministries.
The pastor has to be able to sniff out men like myself before I run through all the sisters in the church. Stop helping me out by placing the entire selection of single woman in one place for easy pickings.
These sisters are not damaged goods that are in need of a special service just to deal with them, I beg to defer. All of the essentials and standards of being a single woman should be delivered in the same service that includes the married woman, and the pastor should to preach the complete Word of God.
When you isolate the single women in your ministry, you make them feel like second class citizens within the church community, as if they are of less value than the married sisters. This leaves the door open for me to give them a false sense of inclusion after being excluded due to classism, stature, and status. Instead of preaching her to a husband, how about you preach her to wholeness and healing from past failures.
Once she heals from the destruction of experiencing the type of man I use to be, only then will her radiant glow return, which will spontaneously attract the perfect man.
If you want to have a real singles ministry then it better be a closed door men’s only ministry, because we remain the real problem when it comes to sustaining a long term commitment. Maybe, just maybe, it’s something hereditary left over from slavery, but my Brothers are still accustomed to short term relationships as if Master is going to sell off his current woman. Yes, I am making a general statement with no apologies, because the shoe fits me just fine.
It took an intimate relationship with a real man of God to teach me how to commit to one woman. He took the time to know me, and understand me, and in doing so he discovered that I was still in a state of grief after losing my daddy. As a direct result of that pain, I tried to stuff multiple women into a hole that only Christ could fill. God used him to heal me, and now I have been committed to one woman for the first time in my life.
Deal with the men in your congregation first before you even touch this issue of a singles ministry. In doing so you will present these sisters with refurbished men who understand what true commitment means, and how to resist the temptation of “new sex.”
Mr. Pastor I challenge you on this one premise.
If you would focus and fix one fornicating man in your congregation, you would have just saved one woman from the heartache and struggle of being a single woman.
Song Of Solomon 3:1-3
1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
2 I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
3 The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?
By; TJ From Church Folk Revolution Radio
Church Folk Revolution
