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Exposing The Greed In Our Pulpits
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Man Whore Series Part 3
Why Men Are Cashing Out On Their Marriages
PimpPreacher.com 09/12/2012 New Orleans Bureau
When I first got married I wasn’t even sure how long I could actually stay married or if I was really getting married for the right reason. The biggest fear I had was what if I get bored with this one woman after having a three woman a week habit? It’s no secret that men have an issue with commitment these days and due to a shortage of really good men, the abundance of available sisters has made it even more difficult to chill with just one.
I would like to get this part out of the way at the tippy top of this article – I have been blessed to have some of the most precious women on the face of the earth, and I completely destroyed each relationship I had with them. None of them cheated on me, handled me poorly or ever disrespected me, I just could not bring myself to totally commit to just one woman, that is prior to eventually getting cured of whoring.
It’s not quite a sickness, and not quite an illness, but men like me can sometimes go through twelve wonderful women before they realize that they have a problem. Whatever you want to call it, I was broken, and I entered into my first marriage still broken. I got married the first time because I felt it was the right time, but it wasn’t a true time.
I got married the second time because I was hurting from the loss of a woman that left me, and thus my second wife became my Tylenol. Yes God has blessed me with more good women then most men get in one lifetime, but it was always the right them, and the wrong me.
I am going to hit the ground running with this one because more and more brothers are simply quitting on the marriages and heading off for sexier pastures.
What makes a man walk away from a perfectly good woman? A woman that cooked, cleaned, gave him hot sex, gave him a child, and was intellectually compatible? The answer is really simple, but perhaps too simple to accept – He’s Broken.
When I was on the prowl for something new and softer, I always looked for a certain type of woman who had been by herself for a long time. Most long term single sisters were too flattered at the fact that I stepped to them in Wal-Mart (by the produce section) to even notice that they were interacting with half of a man. Sure physically I was all there, but emotionally I needed a Federal Emergency Management Agency to restore my mental infrastructure.
Once most women determined that I was really available, and I was disease /drug free, all other questions of interest ended at the point. Not one question about how I felt about myself at this stage in life or what is it like to be me? Nope, just a bunch of questions about my baby mamas, that’s it.
Infidelity is only a symptom of a bigger illness which is a lack of fulfillment. Listed below I have made the gut wrenching confession of why I cashed out on good women, and why I could never find wholeness in my previous state of mind. Yes this is a confession in every sense of the word, because even my current wife has not heard some of the things I’m sharing with you right now.
I am hoping that a brother struggling with commitment issues will come in contact with this article and really look inward at the real reason he has now found himself with two women too many.
10 Reasons Why I Cheated
Let me start off by saying no reason is a good reason to cheat on your wife. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I do understand all of the reasons you cheated because they're similar to the many reasons I purchased condoms at the corner store.
- 1. Ex wife was freakier in bed – but I didn’t know how to ask the new wife for what I enjoyed with the former wife.
- 2. She got fat on me – and the new girl at work had the Janet Jackson booty.
- 3. New girl gave me non-stop compliments – but everything I did for the wife was old news.
- 4. I always wanted one of them – meaning I encountered a type of woman I have always wanted to sleep with. Pretty hair, pretty lips, booty moves really nice when she walks, total Femininity.
- 5. Wife had a baby and my penis no longer was getting the same fit it once did, but new girl had the tight wrap.
- 6. Sex had became so routine with the wife that I used it as a sleep aid.
- 7. My best buddy had a young hot one that he was diving in, and I had nothing to add to the conversation.
- 8. She made me feel handsome, and stroked my ego.
- 9. The girl I cheated with looked just like a woman I never got over.
- 10. I just wanted to know that my penis could work on any type of woman.
Now notice that none of the reasons I gave are legitimate mature reasons to fornicate or commit adultery, but please keep in mind that justification to cheat is also the fault of the woman the cheater is with. Justification for cheating comes from complaints and gripes a man has with his woman, but the same issues are not serious enough to leave her.
I have often wondered why I didn’t simply end my previous relationships the right way instead of heading out to hook up with someone new, and the answer to that is greed. I wanted to put parts of the women I liked together with other female parts, and then stuff all the parts into my voided areas.
The thrill of a new woman became like a drug that required that I take a hit every so often. I even noticed that whenever I had a second woman I treated the first one better than I did before cheating. Yes I wanted my cake and eat it too, but I also wanted her sweet potato pie.
She Will Not Complete You
I handled women like a Ring Leader in a circus as I made them jump through fiery hoops in order to make me happy. God eventually revealed to me that no one can make me happy! This is one of the biggest misconceptions of relationships; the truth is she can only add to my happiness. Whenever I was moody or tripping, I would always find some kind of way to blame her for my mood swings, which always resulted in the fight I wanted, and my reason to go creep.
The worst thing a woman can do is become the Director of Happiness for her man, because she is setting herself up to fail big time. I was miserable with my life because I was failing at my goals and dreams which spewed over into my marriage, which also reflected how I treated my wife at the time.
Now here comes the cheating part, because she failed to make me happy (which was an impossible task) I blamed her, and then collected another good woman. I have never been in a dilemma in between a really good woman and a whore, my problem has been that I always cheated with another really good woman. The problem that arises whenever you add an additional good woman to make you feel better is you then evolve into a project manager over two women charged with the same task, your pleasure. I then discovered that I could not efficiently love two good women at the same time, which always ended in one of them getting hurt really bad.
Trying to find a woman to complete you is a worthless task and you will never find her. The reason I can say that for sure is because the woman I thought I wanted at age 25, I no longer found attractive at age 35. As men we are going to change at least three times before we reach age 40, I call it Flava Flav, Cosby, Denzel
Are You Flava Flav, Cosby or Denzel?
I use to hate the reality TV show that starred my childhood hero Flava Flav from Public Enemy. The goal of the show was to have Flav date several women in order to determine which one was best for him. So during the show Flav would have all types of competitions in order to get these women to prove themselves worthy of his love. The only problem was VH-1 kept renewing the show each season which automatically doomed the previous relationship, but I digress.
As much as I hated the show, I was just like Flav at one stage in my life, I wanted as many women as I could get, but only for one season. My Flava Flav phase lasted from age 19-27
Then I moved into another phase of life that I call my Bill Cosby phase, which lasted from age 28-35. In my Cosby phase I had a good woman that I married and we created a home. I was out and in the open with my wife for the first time and took her just about everywhere I went. I adored her and everyone recognized us as a happy couple. Then one day there was a knock at the door, and there stood a young lady who told my wife Camille (for example) that she was my daughter. The problem is this child’s age was directly in between my two other kids, which proved that I had an affair.
It devastated my wife because she thought she was doing everything she could to satisfy me, but I was still too broken to retain all of her love. As a result of my lack of fulfillment, I collected another good woman on the side to feel like I still had it, but unfortunately I got her pregnant.
My last stage of development I refer to as my Denzel level ,because I am finally happy with myself. In being happy with my own accomplishments I am no longer placing unrealistic demands or expectations on my woman to make me happy. I am happy before she even makes it to the dinner table, so whatever she does from that point only enhances my joy.
I learned to love her where she is right now and not some futuristic plan for what I want her to be one day. I have learned how to love right now instead of looking to the next person to give me a 90 day high. Yes I still know that I can have any woman I concentrate on, but the one I have is perfect because I hand picked her at a more mature point in my life. My Denzel phase started at age 36 and I am now 40 years old.
Brothers I leave you with this, if you are dogging your wife emotionally and only keeping her because she fits perfectly with another female part, then let her go the right way. She's wasting some of the best years of her life, body, and time that she will never get back because you’re still stuck on the Flava Flav level of maturity.
Having said that, if you can’t break through the emotional walls that keep you from being affectionate to your wife (and you’re not currently cheating on her) then there is still a chance that you could love her the right way. Have a conversation with your wife about your insecurities, and personal disappointments. In doing so you will allow her the opportunity to give you the support and coaching you need to heal.
Start re-planning your life again with your wife and set new personal short term and long term goals that you both can work on as a couple. In doing so you will not only renew your dulled friendship, but the accomplishment of new goals will help you satisfy the need to conquer new women.
Be honest with your wife in a loving way and share with her the things you need, instead of collecting another woman to spice you up. Turing your heart back to the woman you married could be a challenge especially if you have already terminated her emotionally as your wife, but I promise you whatever problems you’re having right now will only follow you to the “new chic.”
I got bored with my wife when I stopped chasing my wife, and some of that was her fault too. Encourage your wife to continue to grow emotionally, academically, socially, spiritually, and financially, and I advise you do the same. This will allow you two to stay intriguing to each other, which will keep you chasing her.
I am not saying that I never have thoughts about cheating on my wife, because I do, but the difference is I now know what my addiction is, and I give my wife the opportunity to help me.
Before you can really enjoy your soul mate as a man you have to first have enough joy within you to be able to appreciate her. Always be mindful that what you consider Sheneneh Jenkins is the next man’s Queen Sheba. You Got To Love Her the Right Way Right Now!
Song of Solomon 3
King James Version (KJV)
By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
2. I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
3. The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?
4. It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother's house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
By: TJ From Church Folk Revolution Radio
CHURCH FOLK REVOLUTION
